Visions

I am trying to write undercover right now, so my husband doesn’t discover my secret online ”diary”.

In any case I wanted to share with you my vision of far future. I am sure many have had the same idea as well.

I feel and think that in the future the amount of food we eat will decrease considerably, and of course we won’t be eating animal products.

I think we will be so over gender. We will acknowledge our ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ sides as energies that each one of us will have inside of us regardless of the sex we have.

Our higher selves will be us in many many years if we make it there, if we don’t destroy our planet first.

 

Yours truthfully,

Sophia

Losing weight for ethics and principles

First of all I would like to let you know that I have been vegetarian for one year (actually I started long before then I stopped because of the many arguments that kept running in my head until ultimately I just let them fuck off); and recently Vegan… YEYYYYYY!

I always considered myself as someone with a very low willpower Like whatever if I want something let me just get it, why should I even resist? This was applied to everything, food, sexual relations. However; at the time I also ignored the side of me that was compassionate, sensitive and empathetic. These for me were weaknesses that I had to overcome; weaknesses that I had to ignore because I should be more careless and not give a fuck, be a strong woman, and again we are all going to die anyway? no? YOLO! just do whatever makes you happy and that’s it!

As surprising as that might be, the truth is, that did not really make me happy.

What made me happy was to reconnect with who I really was, to reconnect with my sensitive compassionate part of me.

So anyway, (sorry I got a bit confused as I started this text yesterday and left it to finish it today)  me who never had enough willpower to say no to food and also to casual sex, found myself filled with a great power to say no to meat, to poultry, to eggs, to cow milk, to honey, to leather ect…

I could say no to that because I was standing for a cause, because this made me happy to feel that I am actually helping out just by changing my daily habits, changing my food choices and eventually discovering a whole new perspective of things.

Now let me get back to why I am writing this post today… I could stop eating meat for environmental and ethical reasons: not to harm the environment and to stand against animal cruelty… Why don’t I have the willpower to stop eating that much and lose weight for the simple fact that I love myself and I don’t want to hurt my body…

I’ve been up and down in the scale for many years. I have varicose veins, I did an operation in my uterus and the doctor told me that I should not gain weight or the problem will come again….

I am ready to help everyone, I don’t understand why I cannot help myself and fuel my willpower to do so. I need to love myself and to start losing weight for ethical reasons which is destroying my own self!

The road and process to becoming vegan taught me and is still teaching me many things, most importantly that old habits cannot disappear for one day to another, but one thing that can make them change easier is to believe. To believe in the change you want to make. I believed and was convinced that I should not take part in animal cruelty and this fueled my willpower to a point I don’t even have to use it anymore. I am not tempted. I believed in my change and my cause.

I hope that today is the continuity, the beginning of another continuity of my better self for the love of myself.

Peace, love and go vegan!

Yours truthfully,

Sophia Perdida

It is around 11:15 am…

Hi,

It is around 11:15 am, I am watching television while feeling very hungry even after eating a bowl of cereal a sandwich of thyme and sesame and a piece of cake….. still hungry.

I could eat another big piece of cake and feel guilty again since I am gaining weight.

The question is:

  • When will I find a job and set my feet in a real career?
  • Is it because I took bad decisions that I am here?
  • Will I ever be successful?
  • Will being successful make me happy?
  • Staying at home will make me happy?
  • Is being anxious a good thing?
  • Will it make things happen?

Watching as well a movie, The incredible Burt Wonderstone….I need to prepare for my class this afternoon. Basic things but sometimes I don’t really know what is the answer. I forgot everything that I have learned.

Am I a failure? Well no conclusions can be taken now.

Yours truthfully.

Sophia Perdida

Behind Eating Meat or not

Hi everyone, meat eater or not….or simply hi to myself.

I have tried many times before to stop eating meat and I always ended up re-collapsing….until a couple months ago, I started with more conviction  and it has been around 10 months meat free!

I feel better and more aligned with my true nature. I kind of feel a balance between my head, my heart and my guts.

I am still however eating dairy products. I don’t drink mild, but I do eat cheese.

I don’t eat chicken but I still eat eggs.

I will try little by little to decrease my consumption.

In any case, one thing I don’t like is when people feel it has to be an extreme or another. You can be completely Vegan and still ride a big 4×4. Maybe because you like something a lot you try to lower your footprint from another place to make your balance at the end acceptable.

The point is to feel a bit responsible. My brother feels no responsibility at all. like ok it is not affecting me, I will continue whatever I want to do. The truth is that it affects him a lot: directly or indirectly we are all connected. Butterfly effect, oneness or whatever you want to call it, rather we like it or not we are all connected. We can be more or less apart from the rest of the world but eventually it will get to us.

A legend that I always liked to hear and say: ”La légende du Colibri”, ”The legend of the humming-bird”: One day there was a big fire in the forest, all the animals of the neighboring forest were sad and alarmed but none of them did anything; however you could see up in the sky the humming bird with a small bucket of water going forth and forward to try and extinguish the fire. The bear looked at him laughing: my dear friend, you are so naive, you think that you will be able to stop this fire with your small amounts of water. The humming-bird replied: No my friend, but at least I am doing my part.

If we all did our parts, things would be solved more quickly. If we acted instead of saying that nothing can be changed. Things could actually change.

One thing that I am understanding  more and more with time, since I was pretty much spoiled, is that we don’t only have rights, we have duties as well. The better we do our duties, the more we deserve our rights.

But in the end, there will always be a yin and a yang, good and evil, end and start and eventually: ”Il faut de tout pour faire un monde”.

Yours Truly,

Sophia Perdida

 

Babies Babies Babies

Recently I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THIS SUBJECT. Like thinking about it all the time. I really feel ready for it.

However; I still don’t have a career. A stable job, a stable income.

I was thinking about doing  a training in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Start working from home or open my institute. That would be really nice.

Point is I should really find something before I get pregnant or it would be a bit too late!

I will do more research and see what will come up.

Yours faithfully.

Sophia Perdida
sophiaperdida

Building your future and making money

When I was a kid I was always asked, ”what do you want to do when you grow up”. Well here I am all grown-up, even ready to make babies, and I still don’t know what I want to do or at least how am I going to make money (sustainability).

Ideas come and go. And again it is with the how? when? with who? with what? Am I capable of it? Do I have the motivation for it? Does it make sense? Am I fighting against the current?
Should I wait for another feeling? or am I overrating the whole process? Does the hard effort come first? or the motivation?
What I mean, does my motivation and inspiration will really lead me to start with the effort? or the effort alone is enough to do anything.

One year before my 30s. No savings, no effective plan. Only one is that I have to try and have babies soon if I want to have babies at all because of my medical condition.

Bye.

Yours Truthfully.

Sophia Perdida

Eating Cereals and Thinking about THE END.

Here I am, sitting and eating, going through another day of unemployment and thinking about when all of this will end (my death). I know I am not the only one that thinks about these subjects but does not make it less interesting or intriguing. I mean we are all locked up in this sort of brainwashing factory where we are supposed to be the fittest and reproduce and eat and work and reproduce. Even when we want to make more of our life: travel, have different experiences, engage in new challenges etc… ok yes our life makes more sense more worth to be lived blablabla. But those places that you visited those people that you loved have no sense at all once you are dead. NOTHING. They say your memory stays or your acts or whatever.

I am not finding my words easily but the point is, that you spend your life taking care and loving certain persons but in the end we will all die and this relation wouldn’t even matter.

I mean, who is behind this fucked up system! and reading all these books about living in the moment and getting detached or persons and things… like ok well I love youuu but you and me are just matter, so let’s not overate each other and stayyy nummmbbb.

Anyway, finished my bowl of cereal with Soja, will try to think less for the moment. As one thing is for sure. Thinking is useless.

Yours Faithfully.

Sophia