Hi, Hello, Hola,
Not having much to do today, I have organized a bit around (not that I am a very neat and organized person, but I don’t like dirty things). Brushed my teeth and sitting and wondering about things, always fears and doubts coming around the corner.
I always wanted to write a book. But I don’t feel talented enough. What is nice about books and stories is that you can invent whatever reality you want. I always like fantasy movies- I stopped writing a bit because I was rereading ”The Town of Cats” passage in the book of Haruki Murakami.
I don’t have much to say. A friend of my bf fiance is coming, I don’t enjoy him much but he lives alone and I feel sad for him.
Seems to me this website is like a replacement to my old god. It’s weird, I stopped believing in god long time ago, but it always seems to me I have to apologize for him/her/it for not believing. It’s like: Sorry God, I don’t believe in you.
Anyway where was I…yes, that this blog website whatever, has become like my new god. ( I thought putting a background of Chopin Nocturne would help me express myself, but for some reason it is rather annoying me. I’ll still keep it for the moment) So I was saying, every time I have a crisis I come here to write.
In real life, in front of people, I am a nice calm quiet girl/women (I don’t know what I am anymore at 28); however with my family, I express my thoughts, anger and fears and anoyment ( I don’t even know if this word exists but it should, I like it) and everything I feel.
Lately I have been expressing too much, I have many fears hidden inside, especially with my fiancé. I love him, he loves me but we are different in many things, we have different values. Anyway, the point is: relations are hard and I am a drama queen. (He is on his bachelor party now, because yes we are getting married soon).
Well, my thoughts are making no sense, but the truth is, my new god is nice. Writing to write is something that helps me stay in the moment, express myself and get it out. Soon enough I will get filled again with thoughts and fears and will have to come back again here to write.
I hope it will be for a while before I reach out to you again my new god.